A World of Possibilities

People who are excellent communicators have mastered the skill of being able to respond to any situation in a range of different ways.

In Understanding Human Behaviour (1982), Adler and Roman identify a few characteristics of competent communicators. Let’s look at one of these – the ability to choose your responses.

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Competent communicators can choose their responses from a wide range of behaviours. For instance, if a friend of yours tells a joke that offends you, you have the option to respond in any of the following ways:

• Say nothing

• Ask someone else to say something

• Hint at your discomfort, hoping that your friend would get the point

• Make a joke about how insensitive your friend is – using humour to soften the blow

• Be straightforward about your discomfort and ask them to stop telling the offensive joke

• Simply demand that your friend stop

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If you are aware of these options at your disposal, you are able to respond in the way that has the highest chance of success. But, if you are only able to respond in one or two of these in responding to a delicate situation, your chances of successfully communicating are smaller.

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Try to identify your habits – do you tend to shy away from confrontation, or do you always use humour as a tool?

Because many behaviours can work in a given situation, it’s a mistake to suggest that any single approach is superior to others.

According to Adler and Roman:

“This ability to choose the best approach is essential because a response that works well in one setting would flop miserably in another one. Although it’s impossible to say precisely how to act in every situation, there are at least three factors to consider when you are deciding which response to choose: the context, your goal, and the other person.”

From your own experience, try to identify how competent communicators use a variety of communication styles.

Being a competent communicator requires flexibility in understanding what approach is likely to work best in each situation.

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Source: Understanding Human Communication (Adler, Rodman: 1982)